This Ghost and Roaches

I hate cockroaches. I absolutely refuse to believe they’re God-made.

I mean, really, look at them.

             

Uhh…not that. 

This ONE!

          

I mean what are they here for? What’s their purpose in God’s green earth besides creeping around all the over the place and looking gross?

Can they cure cancer?

Are they ugly-ass Tinkerbells that possess magic dust that helps children fly when they think happy thoughts?

I don’t think so!

So, when one of these despicable creatures decided to play Creep-on-Jay’s-Neck-While-He’s-Sleeping this morning, I introduced it very thoroughly to Mr. Flip-Flop.

Oh-kaay. It was 6am and I was minding my own dreamy business when I heard this disturbing whizz of gossamer wings and felt little legs tickling my neck.

I woke up very quickly after that, slapping at my neck and jumping out my bed. Just in time, a small brown creature I recognized very well scurried under my desk.

Omigod. A fuckin’ cockroach just crept all over me like I was a runway and it was fuckin’ Heidi Klum! And it wasn’t even wearing sexy VS lingerie! WTF!

I did a sort of bunny hop as I took a minute to imagine how long the roach has been doing it.

My lips curled, “Euww!” I immediately reached for one of my flip-flops, morphing into the terror that was Jay, Roach Killer.

It was time for the brown abomination to meet its Maker, which is definitely not God. Hah!

What happened afterwards was a flurry of flipped-out bed sheets, knocked-down book shelves, overturned chairs and the constant slap-slap of a flip-flop missing its target. I chased it under the bed, reached out for it when it tried to fly across the room.

I didn’t know how it got inside in the first place. My door’s always closed and we have screens in all our bedroom windows. I decided to think about that later. I still have to kill it. It was clever; it was fast and has the advantage of flight.

It would fly too close to my face, as if it was taunting me. 

But finally, it made a mistake. It hurried straight under the desk again, wedging itself into a corner. I gave a triumphant yell and brought down my rubber weapon.

SLAP!

Still wiggling its creepy legs.

SLAP! SLAP!

White ooze leaked out of its body.

I waited a moment. It didn’t move. I waited again, but it still didn’t give any signs of life.

Hell yeah! I pumped my fist into the air.

Ding Dong, the roach is dead.

The roach is dead as a doornail.

The roach is now swimming with the fishes. Sorta. :D

I gingerly nudged the roach with my now flip-flopped clad foot and kicked it out of my room. Then I went down the stairs and doused my neck with antiseptic.

I climbed up the stairs again and checked out the dead roach.

It was gone like poof. I looked around for it but to no avail. The smart fucker was gone!

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

The battle is still on as I write this. XD

While I anticipate our final showdown, here’re some facts about cockroaches:

• Cockroach excrement and body parts are major allergens in house dust.

• In some parts of the world, roaches are profitably raised for chicken feed. (I’ll have to examine my next Jollibee chicken meal)

• The world’s largest roach (which lives in South America) is four inches long with a seven-inch wingspan. (as long as it stays in South America, we got no problem)

• The record for eating live cockroaches is held by Ken Edwards of Derbyshire, England.  In 2001 he ate 36 hissing Madagascar roaches in one minute. (I admire and pity this guy at the same time)

• The favourite food of the cockroach is actually the glue on envelopes, the glue bindings at the backs of books and the glue on the back of postage stamps.

• A cockroach can hold it’s breath for up to 40 minutes.

• Some female cockroaches mate once and are pregnant for the rest of their lives. (aren’t we lucky human females don’t breed like them)

• Cockroaches can live for up to a month, without its head. (which makes it easier to flip-flop them to death)

• Ever wondered what the supposed purpose of having cockroaches on the planet at all is? Well try this handy example of a coackroaches supposed usefulness: Crushed cockroaches can be applied to a stinging wound to help relieve the pain. (I’ll try this tip  right after I slit my throat)
  
  
  

                

(Not if I do something about it) XD

Sources here, here and here and here.

‘Til  next time!

—This Ghost

This Ghost and Day Challenges #2

Tut-tut! It’s another one of This Ghost’s Day Challenges, where I randomly choose one interesting topic from 4 different Tumblr challenges.

This is beauty pageant season and if you don’t already know it, Ma. Venus Raj— our own Ms. Philippines— came 4th-runner up at the Miss Universe 2010. Don’t fret, guys, THAT’S still one helluva honor to get. I don’t even mind all the, “Major, Major” stuff flying all over the place. Actually, that trend’s pretty catchy. :D

Anyways, since we’re all about the beautiful girls strutting their stuff onstage, with today’s post, I’m gonna show you not-so-beautiful guys making fools of themselves in front of a big-ass crowd.

Unfortunately, I was one of those fools. Freak. XD

Here goes.

#2.  Photo/s That Make/s You Laugh

This photo makes me laugh alright; coupled with embarrassment.

This was taken last February during the 3-day CAL Congress 2010 back in my college senior year.  My friends and I were invited to join in on what seemed like a fun way to spend our few remaining weeks as collegians. So we were like, “What the heck; let’s sign up”. 

And then THIS happened.

The horror that was Ms. Earthquake.

Okaay, so Kuya Nap, one of the organizers already told us about this particular event in the Congress but I never really took it seriously. I mean, what are the chances of me being one of those guys pushed into wearing a dress?

That only happens to poor suckers.

                       

Seriously.

So we were like in the activity hall, already placed into groups. When they announced about the pageant, where each group had to have a guy to represent them, all my groupmates turned to look at me.

I stared back at them, feeling a bit of a dread. “What?”

“Ikaw na lang, kuya,” one girl said. And the others nodded in agreement.

I tried to get out of it by flirtatiously tucking my longish hair under my ear. Gays weren’t allowed to enter the competition.

“I don’t think so,” another girl told me. And that was it. 

What happened after was, “What the fuck?!”

They slapped some make-up on me, made me wear couture out of red curtains, held it in place with a belt and with a finishing touch, balled some socks and stuffed it on my chest for some very firm fake tits.

I was relieved there was no swimsuit competition. I draw the line on tucking my jewels with masking tape.

That’s me with the other candidates. I was already nicknamed, “Rubi” then.

The next week, a Monday morning (the Congress happened on a weekend), I was walking around Bicol University with my usual backpack slung over my shoulder, on my way to my boarding haouse. I live in Sorsogon but I board a room in a house inside the university. I go home for the weekend and then I stay in the boarding house on school days. 

Okay, so I was walking around, thinking the guys from school who’d watched the event probably got over it.

I figured it was back to normal for me.

And then…

Seven feet from my lodgings, a group of girls wearing our college uniform got out of Delgado’s— this canteen my landlord owns—and glanced at me briefly.

Did a double-take. Stared at me again, their eyes widening.

“Si Rubi!” they cried, and then they burst into laughter.

Enough said.

After the event. :D

What I Learned from the Ms. Earthquake pageant:

1. They said I look good in a gown with fake tits.  (I don’t know what to make of that. Thanks, I guess. :D)

2. It was hard acting like a girl and wearing all the girly stuff. I’m never gonna stare at a skirt the same way again.

3. I suck at question and answer.

4. I’m not gonna do it again but the pageant was actually a very different but fun experience.

5. I’m glad I was born a guy. :D

‘Til next time!

— This Ghost

This Ghost and Chocolates

(After the hostage-taking incident that has taken over the news all day and night, I’m in dire need of some big-ass endorphins— C.H.O.C.O.L.A.T.E.!) 

Do you find yourself sneaking to the fridge at 3am just for a bite of dark, guilty goodness?

Be guilty no more. Here’s one more reason to love chocolate: it just steals your heart, in a totally healthy way!

                                  

Us Filipinos have always had a long-standing love affair with chocolate. What’s not to love about it? Chocolate is a luxe.

 We can never say no to it.  From the simpler chocnut and almond-filled chocolate bars to the heavenly Godiva brand, chocolate is a treat always included in our dining palette.

Our weakness for it probably dates back two thousand years ago, when the Mayans and Aztecs developed a bitter drink from the fruit of the cacao tree. In fact, the word ‘chocolate’ which translates to ‘nahuatl’ in Aztec means ‘bitter water’. Cacao beans are also very valuable and in Aztec culture they were used extensively in trade.

Another historic fact—it is believed that chocolate plays an important role in the worship of the Aztec goddess of fertility, Xochiquetzal. So every time we consume every sweet, creamy piece of that chocolate bar, we should probably give a tip of the hat to the ancients who invented it.

Now besides the fact that it is an awesome dessert, chocolate is also well-known for its health benefits; the darker the chocolate, the less it contains sugar and fat.

According to Mark Stibich, Ph.D, chocolate is made of plants; therefore it has many of its health advantages. One of those advantages is flavanoids, which act as antioxidants. Antioxidants protect the body from aging caused by free radicals, which can cause damage that can lead to heart disease. Flavanoids too help relax blood pressure and balance certain hormones in the body.

A small bar of chocolate everyday is good for the heart, as it keeps the heart and cardiovascular system into running well. It lowers blood pressure and cholesterol. Studies show that it reduces LDL (the bad cholesterol) by up to 10 percent.

You may ask, doesn’t chocolate have lots of fat in it? Here’s the good news: some fats in chocolate does not affect your cholesterol level. The fats in chocolate are 1/3 oleic acid, 1/3 stearic acid and 1/3 palmitic acid. That means only 1/3 of the fat in dark chocolate is bad for you.

Apart from protecting your heart, chocolate also holds other benefits. It tastes oh-so good; it stimulates endorphin production, which gives a feeling of pleasure; it contains serotonin, which acts as an anti-depressant; and it contains theobromine, caffeine and other substances which are stimulants.

But that still doesn’t mean you should eat pounds of it every day. Excessive consumption of chocolate is still unhealthy. It is still a high-calorie, high-fat food. Most of the studies done used no more than 100 grams, or about 3.5 ounces of dark chocolate a day to get the benefits.

Mr. Stibich has the following tips:

Taste the Chocolate. Chocolate is a complex food with over 300 compounds and chemicals in each bite. To really enjoy and appreciate chocolate, take the time to taste it. Professional chocolate tasters have developed a system for tasting chocolate that include assessing the appearance, smell, feel and taste of each piece.

Go for Dark Chocolate. Dark chocolate has far more antioxidants than milk or white chocolate. These other two chocolates cannot make any health claims. Dark chocolate has 65 percent or higher cocoa content.

Skip the Nougat. You should look for pure dark chocolate or dark chocolate with nuts, orange peel or other flavorings. Avoid anything with caramel, nougat or other fillings. These fillings are just adding sugar and fat which erase many of the benefits you get from eating the chocolate.

Avoid Milk. It may taste good but some research shows that washing your chocolate down with a glass of milk could prevent the antioxidants being absorbed or used by your body.

Bet you don’t feel so guilty anymore. Racing to the nearest chocolate store? Have a happy, healthy chocolate fix! ■

Info source here.

— written by This Ghost

This Ghost and Day Challenges #1

A repost from my other blog, Ghost Over the Roof at Tumblr.

Since I’ve signed up in Tumblr in July, I’ve caught on some of these Day Challenges eg. 30 Days, 30 Letters, 30 Days of Photographic Memories, 10 Day Challenge, 30 Days of Constipation…oh-kaay… I made that last one up. :D

I gathered they were there, circulating all over the tumblng world, so bloggers have a fail-safe way of still posting worthwhile stuff in their respective sites during those days when Mental Block guy slaps them upside the head.

I’ve been thinking that these challenges might be the reason I signed up here in the first place. Sorta. I deactivated at least six different Tumblr accounts in the last four months and kind of given up with the challenge thing.

But damn, the allure of it remains. I saved three different challenges (I’ve been using the word ‘challenge’ a lot) in my draft box and everyday I’m gonna pick one interesting topic at random. *excited*

Here’s to hoping I finish them all.

                                 

#1. A Recent Picture of You and 15 Interesting Facts About Yourself

About this photo: This is recent enough; I just took it this morning, Aug. 23, at 8:30am. I share a bedroom with my sisters; that wood thing over my head’s my bed, the top bunk. I woke up and just for the hell of it took a picture of myself (because that’s the first thing I thought of every morning). I don’t even know how I opened the laptop; I was still half-asleep then. :D

Fact me. XD

1. I suck at Math. I’m still wondering how I pulled that 2.9 average for algebra and statistics back in college. I’m pretty sure I was the most pathetic guy in that class. My heart skips a beat in raw terror whenever Madam Manzanillo announced a short quiz. I mean, seriously, I’ve been thinking a bunch of geniuses back in ancient times went on a convention somewhere and invented math just to make things difficult for kids who can’t do numbers unless it’s in the bathroom.

2. I walk around and around the living room couch and dining table fifty times or more while listening to music. It’s an odd habit of mine I got from high school. Doing it helps me think and figure things out creatively.

3. I love cinnamon. If I have my way, I’ll cook up a whole buffet with cinnamon in it. Fried cinnamon rice, chicken dipped in cinnamon sauce, chocolate-cinnamon ice cream for dessert, etc. I just LOVE it. Years ago, back when they still made it, I almost spent all my allowance on Gardenia’s Apple-Cinnamon bread.

4. I like girly pop and RnB music (except from a handful of singers I can’t stand like Miley and Charice). Yeah, I listen to them all the time. 99.5 of songs in my borrowed iPod are female singers. Somehow, listening to them is more pleasant; sensual and inspires positivity; stuff I don’t get when I listen to guys rocking it out.

5. Torpe ako. Enough said.

6. OC ako sa book collection ko. Especially for the ones I got from National Bookstore, my personal book heaven; where I get orgasms whenever I see the SALE signs. I take good care of my books (lalo na sa mga pinag-ipunan kong bilhin kasi mahal eg. Harry Potter Books 1-7) and I’ll be very firm in telling you can’t borrow them. Sorry. :D

7. If No. 6 is any indication, I’m also selfish. Bunso ako eh, that must be it. Most of the time, I’m willing to share some of my things, like those that don’t really matter much. But if I see you enjoying my things too much, and I happen to LOVE that thing too…tsk tsk… nuh-uh, hon, gimme that back.

8. I live to love Pokemon. They’re the best creatures ever. I mean, a cute yellow furball that electrocutes you on occasion? That’s AWESOME! And the games! I’m like a kid trapped in a porn store whenever I play them. I get a kick out of being the best trainer in the region; kicking the Elite Four’s asses, catching ‘em all to fill up my Pokedex. Hell, and I don’t even own a Nintendo DS; I play it on the PC. :D

9. I used to want to become a doctor. Doctors are sexy; they save lives and act so cool and fly in their white coat and stethoscope bling. And then one day I woke up thinking med school was expensive. And I found out that cutting up people and reaching over to all that blood and flesh and internal organs to make the patient better won’t really be my thing. I don’t want to see the things that the worst of health can do to people. Plus, I discovered that I looked more like a patient than a doctor with my skinny frame and bony shoulders. I don’t think ill people trusts a doctor who looks like he should be wearing a black hooded robe and a scythe. Baka isipin nila, ako ‘yung susundo sa kanila sa kabilang buhay.

10. I like watching porn. Always. I know, it’s not that interesting; I mean, almost all guys do it.

11. I have diverse tastes in some personal stuff. ;D

12. I am extremely lazy. But when I’m very passionate about something, I’m like a shark with a mouthful of human. ‘Pag gusto kung gawin yung isang bagay, driven talaga ako. I try to do it until it’s awesomely, truly perfect.

13. OC ako sa mga gripo at appliances sa bahay. I check them all, over and over again. Some nights, I wake up just to see if I left anything on. It nags me if I don’t go check.

14. I get withdrawal symptoms if I’m not online everyday. Something always pushes me to double-click Google Chrome, kahit walang load ang SmartBro. Freak. :D

15. I am me. And I’ll never change unless I really, really have to.

Til’ next time!

— This Ghost

An Amanda Show Classic

I miss the Amanda Show. I used to watch it when I was younger, and it's helluva better than the shows Nickoledeon air these days. 

Anywhere, here's one of my favorite sketches, The Girl's Room. :D

View photo source here

Twilight Goes Kinky

Is he suggesting what I think he's suggesting? Hahaha.

Another reblog from a favorite  Tumblog, fuckyeahfunnythings. I love that site. XD

View photo source here

Ditch the Photo-taking, Man

I find this extremely funny. But if that guy was me, I'd get the heck outta there screaming. Hahaha. XD

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